Thursday, December 09, 2004

You know, sometimes I wish I was a lot prettier...heh...sometimes...? I mean every waking second. The thing is (and I can finally admit it) is that I put myself in these situations...making myself feel low. For instance...asking Pete if the girl he talked to in his Physics class was hot...and when he smirks, looks down, and says she was alright...then I know she was a Charlene. I have to stop doing that. I really need to just lift myself up. And I don't want to be like all girls with the "I'm so fat and ugly." I keep it all inside. Every emotion is just bottled up. I need an escape, like a vacation from everyone. I mean, I've been isolating myself enough as it is. I force myself to go everywhere, even school. It shouldn't be this way. I'm so self-concious. My self-esteem level is dropping lower and lower every day. And Pete doesn't help me much. He always puts me down in front of the guys. Like tonight, he just had to bring up stuff in front of Davis, that he shouldn't even be thinking about around other people! I mean, yeah I told him to say it, but I didn't know that it was going to embarrass me that much! It drives me nuts. That's what I like about Bill and Davis, they don't judge me and they are always upfront with me and make me feel good no matter what, and I know they're not just saying it to make me feel good...they say what's really up. Pete compliments me because he feels he has to. I can just tell. I just need time to think, I guess
Well, enough bitching

*~*Malia*~*

Malia 11:16 PM