Profile
I'm Malia and this is my awesome hilarious journal. I'm short and stuff. I like to sing and write. This is probably my millionth journal. I am in love with Pete. So yeah...this is it I guess.
LoVeLy
|
|
Credits
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Days like this remind me of when I was little...let me reminisce...Back when I used to spend my weekends at Joanie and Pop's...and I'd go outside to play and it was overcast, freezing. I still remember the smell in the air. It was a cold, musty smell. When the wind blew, it was piercing, the scent of wet leaves and pine needles on the already frozen ground. I remember standing on their front porch...well the brick walkway which is now falling apart...and looking into the back behind the garage and missing summer. I made the best of it, though. When you're young, you don't really care. All you care about is that you are outside, open to whatever comes to mind. Whether its mudd or taking a walk in the woods. I miss those days...back before heartbreak and worries. Back before my father tore me apart and betrayed me. Back when everything was so fun, when I was pure...innocent...knew nothing besides cartoons and playing school. Back when I was someone else. A fragment of the imagination is what is is.
Pete came up last night. It felt good and bad. I still feel so guilty but at the same time...the little time we spent together was good. We talked a little bit. I feel bad cuz he's doing bad in school and I feel like I'm at fault. I tried to stay awake as long as I could and make my conversation last as long as it could with someone. It didn't work...so I asked myself...why do I even bother sometimes? No phone calls, no hello...I make the first moves with everything and now I feel like a burden to him because I make so much effort. I'm taking Friday off to go to that show. I want to know what happens and maybe seeing Bill won't be such a bad thing...but then again...there are many reasons it can be....remember, I took advantage of him and I am worthless! And let me tell you...that is exactly how I feel right now...I...am...nothing to a lot of people. I'm still waiting for my phone to ring and to see his name there...but it won't happen.
I'm a sucker for heartbreak...I've been reeled in again to a no-win situation...what should I do?
*~*Malia*~*
